By Stacy Jenel Smith
So Gwyneth Paltrow
and Chris Martin named their daughter Apple - thereby joining the massive crowd of celebrities who feel compelled to affix unusual, outlandish and/or atrocious names to their offspring. Yes, the sheer volume of such names makes it evident that among these famous folk, the ceaseless quest to demonstrate one's creative genius extends to bestowing look-at-me! (meaning the parent) monikers upon innocent newborns.Banjo? Audio Science? A twangy musical instrument and a course in electronics, you might say. Well, yes, but those are also real baby names, selected by actresses Rachel Griffiths
and Shannyn Sossamon, respectively.
You know Michael Jackson's sons are Prince Michael I and Prince Michael II (nicknamed Blanket). In keeping with the royal family theme, Jermaine Jackson has a child named Jermajesty.
Oh jes, Jermajesty.
Last year, actor Jason Lee
of "Chasing Amy" fame and his fiance, Beth Riesgraf, named their son Pilot Inspektor. They provided no rationale for a curious public, leaving us to wonder if someone in the family worked for the gas kompany.
For personalities of a certain age, the hippie dippy factor provides an explanation. Sonny and Cher had Chastity, Cher and Gregg Allman had Elijah Blue.
The late British television personality Paula Yates had three children with rocker Bob Geldof -- Fifi Trixibelle, Peaches Honeyblossom, and Pixie. She also had a daughter with the late INXS frontman Michael Hutchence -- Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily.
David Bowie's son Zowie grew up and started calling himself Duncan, and Joe. Then there's Grace Slick and Paul Kantner of Jefferson Airplane, who were going to name their daughter god - with a small g -- but settled for China after running into resistance from bureaucrats filling out the birth certificate.
Let's not forget actress Bijou Phillips, daughter of the late John Phillips of the Mamas and the Papas.
And of course, best of all, the late experimental music maker Frank Zappa applied his, um, craft when he named his children Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet Rodan and Diva.
But psychedelic times don't explain why Bruce Willis and Demi Moore's daughters are Rumer Glenn, Scout Larue and Tallulah Belle.
They don't account for Rob Morrow's daughter, Tu. (Get it, Tu Morrow?)
Sylvester Stallone's five children share his monogram. He has Sage and Seargeoh with his first wife, and Sophia, Sistine and Scarlet with current wife Jennifer Flavin. If that seems a tad narcissistic, it's nothing compared to George Foreman, who named his sons George Jr., George III, George IV, George V, and George VI., and one of his four daughters Georgetta.
George likes to joke that he can't remember his son's names.
There are some originals that have a cool ring, and some that are definitely a matter of opinion in terms of whether they're worthy of thumbs up or down.
You probably know that John Travolta and Kelly Preston's son is Jett. Erykah Badu and Andre Benjamin (a.k.a. Andre 3000) named their kid Seven Sirius. Toni Braxton's son is Denim - our first fabric name on the list. Elle MacPherson's son is Aurelius Cy - hey, who doesn't dig ancient Rome? Rob Thomas' baby is Maison - house in French. Ving Rhames' kids are Reignbeau and Freedom. Tea Leoni and David Duchovny named their baby Kyd - easy to remember, as in "Hey, Kyd!". John Cougar Mellencamp's son is Speck Wildhorse.
While some would find them deliciously sweet, no doubt others would find a certain heartburn factor in the names of Food Network chef Jamie Oliver's kids -- Poppy Honey and Daisy Boo.
But, to be fair, there are hard-to-digest names aplenty out here in the non-celebrity world, too. After all, it wasn't a famous person who had his name legally changed to Trout Fishing in America. That's right. Make that Mr. Trout Fishing in America, to you.
It's a wonder no celebrity has latched on to that one yet.