BECK/SMITH HOLLYWOOD: TACKY TASTE AWARDS 2006 -- THE COMPLETE, DELUXE EDITION
By Stacy Jenel-Smith
Celebrity watchers are K-Fed up, revolted by the latest O.J. development, and still annoyed by several famous folk who wound up in last year's Tacky Taste Awards circle.
In the nearly three-decade tradition of Beck/Smith Hollywood's annual turkey shoot, we asked readers to rank the rank, vote on the valueless, assess the asinine among the entertainment figures we've seen acting up all year. And as usual, you came up with the goods -- along with the bads and the uglies. Following are all the dirty details of the Top 15 Tacky Taste Awards winners.
1. Kevin Federline. With each new development in the Britney Spears-Kevin Federline divorce, we received another wave of anti-Kevin mail. For example: "K-Fed is a blight on humanity," said Jackie J. of Arvada, CO. "Is there anyone trashier or tackier than Kevin Federline, who doesn't want to stop playing paintball to look in on his sick, pregnant wife?" asked D.L. of Newark, N.J. Newjack12 emailed to say, "Every time I start to feel sorry for this dirt bag, he does something worse. Using the threat of a custody fight - or, if that doesn't work, the threat of releasing a sex tape - to get more money out of Britney is an all-time low." Connie A. of Dallas opined: "They could use K.F.'s 'PapaZao' record to force terror suspects to talk, but it would be against the Geneva Convention."
stirred the pot yet again with her controversial onstage crucifixion production number. "Trash-Bag Madonna wins hands down," voted mballardo. "Madonna, by all means, she is working hard at being tacky so why not give her the 'crown'?" asked reader Polly S. And AnaJuly12 said: "Her shock tactics, spitting on beliefs other people hold sacred to get attention, are getting threadbare. I wish she would reinvent herself as a retiree." Added Roberta M. of New York, "Methinks she is trying too hard. Madge, you're getting O-L-D."
3. O.J. Simpson. His "If I Did It" book and the two-part Fox special, "O.J. Simpson: If I Did It, Here's How It Happened," have brought the disgraced football star plenty of fresh attention - and not in a good way. As we reached the cutoff for Tacky vote tallying, it appeared Simpson, Fox Broadcasting Co., publisher Judith Regan and the mogul at the top of this unsavory food chain, Rupert Murdoch, could have come out at Number 1 given more time. Sample comments: "I am dumbfounded anyone would publish that s--- and now promote it for mass consumption. Have we lost our collective minds in this country?" wrote MichelleO. "It is a shame and a sin that Simpson is being allowed to make money with a book and open his murderous mouth on TV about it" - Warren D., Woodland Hills, CA. "I'd like to stuff a bloody glove up Murdoch's slimy rear for fostering this assault on the families of the two innocents killed by O.J." - Dawn D., Long Beach, CA. "No matter what your views on the murder verdict, this is sick" - Tahnee S., Washington, D.C
4. Mel Gibson's anti-Semitic outburst following his arrest for drunk driving last summer, brought him outbursts in return. "...Not only awful, but awful embarrassing. I can't believe he called a cop 'Sugar Tits.'" - Lisa G., Portland, OR. "As someone who has been a fan of Mel Gibson's, especially for his master work, 'The Passion of the Christ,' I was deeply dismayed by his drunken behavior. So was Mel Gibson himself. It doesn't negate the good he's done as an artist and as a man. I am sure he'll be on your 'Tacky' list, but bear in mind, dozens of well-known actors have behaved as badly or worse when intoxicated and it's gone comparatively unnoticed." - Melody W., Fullerton, CA. "Mel Gibson is an anti-Semite, a gay basher, and an obnoxious drunk. Guess what, Mel - Jesus was a Jew." - Candacesee. "He only came out with a significant apology when he saw how badly he was damaging his career." - Lou Z., New York.
5. Rush Limbaugh, who accused Michael J. Fox of heightening his Parkinson's Disease symptoms on political ads, drew a large enough share of mail to land him in the Top 5. As reader Dee W. put it, "In a year that gave us Mel Gibson's racism, Madonna's crucifixion, and Britney Spears at any time, my vote for the chief tacky award for 2006 goes to Rush Limbaugh for so many reasons, but mostly for his attack on Michael J. Fox. Fox has shown symptoms of Parkinson's for years and they have been obvious to anyone who has taken the time to educate themselves on the disease. Limbaugh has always had foot-in-mouth disease, but he surpassed himself this time." "Rush Limbaugh, a total jerk and hypocrite," wrote Wileecoyote. "Can't stand him, never could stand him," added Memphis reader Eric D.
6. Sacha Baron Cohen, for "Borat." "It's horrifying to think how many idiots will sit laughing and agreeing and getting all whipped up excited by Sacha Baron Cohen's character instead of getting the inside joke that has all these pseudo-intellectual critics so enthralled. Sorry, but the Jews with fangs thing will never qualify as humor to me. I walked out of this crapfest, feeling sick to my stomach," fired off Frank G. of Denver, CO. "I vote for the critics who acted like 'Borat' was the best thing since 'Citizen Kane.' Okay, it was funny, but so is TV wrestling and about as staged." - Joy S., San Diego, CA
7. Trey Parker and Matt Stone, "South Park" creators, for the Halloween episode of the show in which "the late Steve Irwin was depicted with a sting ray impaling his bloody chest, at a Halloween party given by the devil. Mind you, the wife and children of this exceptional man are still in mourning. This is beyond tacky," wrote Tamara R., of Jersey City, N.J. "It's so gross and insensitive it's hard to believe they actually went through the entire animation process and nobody said, 'Stop, don't do this.'" - James B., Minneapolis, MN.
8. Paris Hilton. She drew Tacky mail for several reasons. "She goes around wearing clothing about the density of dental floss," said K.S.J. of San Antonio, TX. "Paris makes out with Travis Barker for the whole world to see, then Travis' soon-to-be ex-wife Shanna Moakler leaves threatening messages on her phone and punches her at a nightclub, and Paris' former boyfriend throws Shanna downstairs, and everyone rushes off to file police reports. It's a Tacky Jubilee!" - Mitchell J., New York. "I think Paris deserves your award in perpetuity. Every month there's something new." - Jordan N., Columbus, OH
9. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Last year's winner, Tom, makes the list again with "the overheated media coverage of the 'TomKat' wedding. I think Oprah should be counting herself lucky not to have been invited, and I've lost respect for Brooke Shields for deciding to go." - Libby P., Chicago. "He wanted Italy to declare a 'no fly zone' over the wedding castle...I think you should bestow your Tacky award on his hyper-controlling ass." -- Paula K., San Jose, CA
10. Isaiah Washington, for his anti-gay slur while in an argument-turned-tussle with Patrick Dempsey and T.R. Knight on the "Grey's Anatomy" set. "Washington's public apology was about as unconvincing as Mel Gibson's," wrote Henry M. of Philadelphia. "His brutish behavior should win him a Tacky award, and T.R. Knight deserves recognition for his dignity in coming out afterward." - Pat S., North Canton, OH
11. Britney Spears. "Number 1 in my book is none other than that baby dropping, pimple popping, text message divorcing, fried food loving cheese tart Britney Spears. She absolutely defines the word Tacky - with or without Fed-Ex." - Leevellas, Vancouver, B.C.. "The video of her dropping poor little Sean Preston reminds me of Jacko waving his baby out over the balcony railing. It's like they think infants are props." - Julie S., Reno, NV. "Drop that baby one more time!" - Lucas F., Miami, FL.
12. Bill O'Reilly. "This hypocritical, hate-mongering windbag is more annoying than tinnitus," wrote Jeff K. of Los Angeles.
13. Hillary Swank. "I think less of her for unloading on her ex-husband, Chad Lowe, for his past drug problems just to get a magazine cover story. Shame on you, Hillary." - Lani M., New Haven, CT
14. The Dixie Chicks. "I find these gals tackier than ever for making a whole second career (as in their "Shut Up and Sing" movie and the way they beat this dead horse over and over on every talk show that will have them) out of the fact Natalie Maines dissed the President in France - still nothing to be proud of in my opinion." - G.J., Chattanooga, TN
15. Michael Jackson. Frank Green2spin summarized his feelings, and those of others, thusly: "Just when you think it's safe, wacko Jacko appears again, white scarred face, baby robot voice, creepier than ever. Please, Michael, stay away."
Other Dishonorable Mentions in '06: Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt ("traveling the world and using their kids for publicity" - Donna J., Arvada, CO), Lindsay Lohan, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olson, Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn, and, once again, ourselves. "You deserve an award for bringing us all this tackiness every year," wrote Jim C. of Cleveland, OH. Thanks, Jim.