Dream Guy Not Interested

Q: Recently, while estranged from a long term boyfriend, I was on a week's trip away visiting a friend. This friend had an unexpected guest come and stay a few days who not only took my breath away to look at, but connected with on every level of heart, soul, brains, lifestyles, etc. I found it so right that I have not stopped thinking about him since that day months ago. I gave him my card, but he's never reached out to me, so I assume he isn't interested. Or, being highly ethical, he very likely expected I'd be married by now to my boyfriend, as that's what I had expected.

Meanwhile, my estranged partner came to visit, and it hasn't gone well. I am at the end of my tether, having lost patience for letting him jerk me around. After so many years of being second to everything with my partner, I hardly have much confidence, nor would I go after this new man given the circumstances. I just don't want to be hurt more and he never reached out to me. It's safe to assume he's not interested, right? - Susanna, 57

Dr. Susan: It would be so wonderful if, every time we are desperate to quit an old boyfriend, a new one who was even better was waiting right there on our doorstep. Sometimes it works that way, or our brain makes us think that's what happening. Alas, in your situation, it looks like you're going to have to call it quits without anyone to cushion the blow of loneliness.

Once you've made it clear to yourself that your long-term guy is not a keeper, it wouldn't be so bad if you reached out tentatively to the guy who has your card and hasn't called. But first check with your friend who knew him first. Maybe she can do that reaching out for you, in a friendly way, notifying the guy that you're totally free now. If he doesn't take that bait, then you should assume he definitely isn't interested. No matter what, don't stay for long with any guy who treats you badly. At least that limits your chances of getting hurt.

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