Would She Be Crazy to Propose?
Q: I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over five years. We moved in together a year ago and have been talking about marriage and I've had this crazy idea that I want to ask him. I know it seems untraditional, but we have a modern relationship and I'm a modern woman, so why not? I've mentioned it to my best friend as well as my mother, and they both think I'm crazy. — Kristen 29
Dr. Susan: You're not crazy, but why do the traditional thing of one person asking the other to marry? I'd think those marriage conversations you've been having should be getting real and deep enough to let both of you know what the future holds. Do you think your boyfriend is resisting formalizing your couplehood? Because, I can assure you, he's not unaware that marriage is on your mind. Men are aware that they're the ones who usually pop the question. In fact, I've known of some who are disappointed when they are asked before they have a chance to ask.
Also, if he's not expecting you to ask, and you do, he may show some hesitation that will upset you. I've also known women who hung around for years and then discovered their boyfriends weren't ever going to commit to them. It might be best for you to bring up the topic again without turning it into an out-and-out proposal.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.