She's Bored and Telling Lies
Q: I'm really attracted to a guy at work, but I have a boyfriend. My coworker knows I'm taken, but he still flirts with me like crazy. I can't help how I feel when he's around. I get all jittery inside and I know I smile a lot because my friends at work tease me about having a crush on him. This guy has to know that I'm interested too. The problem is my boyfriend is really great, and we've been together for five years now. I don't want to hurt him, but I can't seem to resist talking to this new guy when he comes near me. Yesterday he asked me to meet him for a drink after work, and I did. I told a white lie to my boyfriend, saying I went out with a group from work. Am I stupid for giving in to how I feel? I just don't want my life to be boring forever! Help! - Trish, 29
Dr. Susan: If you're bored before you hit 30, and you've been with the same "great" guy for five years, maybe it's time for the two of you to reassess your relationship. Notice I wrote "the two of you," not the "three of you"? You're on your way to betraying your boyfriend for the temporary thrill of connecting with a new guy. If you don't want to hurt your boyfriend, stop right now and make sure you don't have an affair. That would definitely hurt him a lot.
Of course you can't help how you feel about this flirty guy at work, but you can help how you react. Don't flirt back. Tell him you have a boyfriend and you've decided not to mess that up. Then grow up and make an honest choice: remaining true to your boyfriend or telling him you're leaving him to see what else is out there. Or you can continue on this path and make more dishonest choices.
Copyright © Fun Online Corporation
Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.