The Heat Gets Cold Fast
Q: I keep getting into relationships that crash and burn fast. I think the guy loves me because he's all over me at first, wanting to see me for several nights in a row right away. Then once I start asking about doing stuff together every weekend like most couples do, he becomes "busy." Then before long he bails completely. Am I doing something wrong? - Kara, 28
Dr. Susan: Could you be assuming more ongoing relationship interest from these guys than really exists? The several-nights-in-a-row part probably has a strong physical element (don't think of it as love). He likes it, you like it, but you want more. Uh-oh. He doesn't want more. He's busy with dating others, or whatever he does on weekends, and he wants to keep those options open. I suspect you're not getting to know these guys very well before you let the relationships get erotically charged. Take it slower next time, and make time to TALK. Also, stop trying to get him to fill a role like what you think "other couples" do. You may be coming across as needy. Yet, if a guy is too busy, too often, maybe it's your turn to do the bailing.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.