Fed Up with Making the First Move
Q: Have men gotten lazier? It feels like my last several relationships, even casual dates, have only happened because I made the first move. I'm the one who initiates the first conversation, who plans the first date, who texts first afterwards. I'm tried of doing all the chasing! What am I doing wrong? - Amber, 32
Dr. Susan: Your description makes me think that the guys on whom you're making the first move aren't necessarily that interested in you, but since you asked them, they gave it a try. A nice balance tends to work out better all around. If you make the first move (which is fine if you mean starting a conversation), then either of you may ask the other out. But then he ought to reach out and communicate with you after that. If you make all the moves, either you're being too impatient, or you're just not meeting the right guys for you.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.