She Gets Attention by Flirting
Q: A guy I work with is obviously hitting on me, and I kind of like it. The bad part is that I have a boyfriend already. I'm not planning to do anything with the guy at work, but there's no harm in a little flirting, right? But another friend I work with says I'm headed for trouble. She says I'm leading him on and if my boyfriend found out, I'd be dead. How's he going to find out? And I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm just getting a little attention and having some fun. My work friend keeps interrupting my conversations with the guy though and bringing up my boyfriend. I think she's just jealous. How can I get her to butt out?—Rita, 24
Dr. Susan: Just having a little fun, are you? Behind your boyfriend's back, using such old excuses as "How's he going to find out?" You are risking your boyfriend's trust, big-time. Maybe you aren't ready to commit to a boyfriend. Your friend is right: you're leading this guy on. A little flirting as a means of getting attention can be okay, but it can also lead to dangerous consequences you can't foresee. I don't think your friend is necessarily "just jealous." I think she has your best interests at heart. However, you may have to ask her nicely to let you figure this out for yourself. I hope you make the right decision.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.