Dating Friend's Ex
Q: I have been single for two years and recently started seeing someone who is amid a divorce. The problem is, he's divorcing a friend of mine who cheated on him and left him for someone else. He's awesome, and I'm not sure yet if this will be an actual relationship. She isn't a good friend of mine, but I definitely feel conflicted about this. Should I pursue or put an end to this? -Siobhan, 42
Dr. Anna: It sounds like you've been taking it slow, which is a good idea. Giving him time and space to heal on his own is going to give you the best chance at a solid romantic relationship down the road. If you really like him, take your time. A healthy supportive friendship is a great base for romance later. As for your friend—you don't owe her much beyond common courtesy here. If she wanted to be with him she wouldn't have left him. As for you, if he's worth it, you can wait until things are finalized and he is in a good place emotionally to start a new relationship.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.