Q:I just started dating again after ending a long relationship. Meeting guys doesn't seem to be a problem, but no matter how we first connected — dating apps, the bars, the gym — they all seem to disappear after a date or two. Sometimes we text for a few weeks, and then they disappear before we even meet! Why do I keep getting ghosted? -Maya, 24
Dr. Anna: There is no getting around it—today's dating climate can be tough! In a world of swipes and casual connections, it can be hard to find stability and true intimacy. Sometimes fear of being ghosted can lead to you being more closed off. You want to protect yourself, so you don't open up as easily. But this can lead to other people sensing that something is off and they fade away on their own. Learning to show up and be real—while still keeping your heart protected!—takes practice. Finding some friends who are going through the same dating process can help. Getting support or ideas from a dating coach or relationship therapist can also help you break through old patterns and build the kinds of connections you're looking for.
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.