She Wants a Threesome
Q: My husband and I have been happily married for eight years now; I'm 31, he's 39. We don't have children and are content with our family of two. For 5-6 years, I've fantasized about watching my husband make love to another woman. Not anyone in particular. I think most men would jump at the idea of sleeping with another woman with their wife's approval, but when I told him I'd really like to explore this option, he said it's not a good idea for many reasons, though it's okay for us to talk about and fantasize about it. He's probably correct - I'd hate to risk problems. But what concerns me the most is WHY do I have these fantasies? I'll admit I've always been attracted to women, but I've never done anything about it. But this fantasy scares me because it seems unhealthy. Is there something wrong with me? Does this mean I'm gay? -- Angela
Dr. Susan: Your long-time attraction to females suggests you are partly bisexual, but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. What goes on in your fantasy life is your own business. Even if you imagine kicking a big-shot world leader where it hurts, there's nothing wrong with that, so long as you don't act on it and the fantasy doesn't get so compelling that it interferes with your real life. Your husband is correct: Three-ways are risky to a marriage. One woman allowed her husband to bring another woman into their bed, partly because she herself was bisexual. When her husband started falling in love with the other woman, things got messy. Look at it this way: Most married women are sometimes attracted to other men, but they choose not to act on that impulse because they treasure their marriage. Just because you're itching to try out some version of lesbian sex doesn't mean you'll be seriously deprived if you limit it to your fantasy life with (or without) your husband. You and your mate can always buy a blowup doll to play with.
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.