Waiting a Year for Sex
Q: My boyfriend hasn't tried to have sex with me yet. We've been talking for a year. Do you think that he is just waiting or cheating? And how do I tell him that I'm tired of waiting? I'm 22. -- Loretta
Dr. Susan: It could be that your boyfriend is from a background where women are shown respect by not asking for sex before marriage. Is he affectionate at all? Do you hold hands, kiss, hug, look into each other's eyes and dream together about a possible future? In this day and age, I'd expect at least that from a long-time boyfriend. As for cheating, you can't cheat if the rules of the game haven't been discussed. And it doesn't sound like your desire for monogamy has come up yet.
You might give him the idea that you're tired of waiting by asking, "Sometimes I get really frustrated, physically. Don't you?" or "You're really unusual. I always hear from my girlfriends how their boyfriends want to have sex right away." See if that begins a conversation about what's in his mind. Maybe he's a shy virgin, or likes you so much that he doesn't want to risk losing you by "rushing" to the next stage. If you think you're ready for sex, Loretta, you also better be ready to ask him personal questions.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.