Her Sexual Response
Q: I have always been attracted to and aroused by women that have amazing curvy bodies. But I've never fantasized about being with a woman, and when I fantasize, I imagine myself with men, and that works for me. The thing is that I've been in a few relationships with men, most of them short-term, and I don't get sexually aroused by fooling around with them, unless I have a couple of drinks first. I don't know what this all means. I mean, I'm 22 years old, and the fact that I need alcohol to facilitate sexual encounters scares me. Am I bi or gay? -- Laura
Dr. Susan: Alcohol takes all those nasty inhibitions that help us behave ourselves most of the time and locks them in the closet. There's no law saying a 22-year-old woman has to go around having sex with every guy she dates. And I think that's what your body is trying to tell you: Slow down before jumping into the sack. There's something else to consider, and that's the skill and experience of the men you're seeing. Some men are not very talented at what you call fooling around. They move too quickly, for one thing. Not every female's responsiveness is the same, and it takes some quite a bit of warming up to get seriously aroused. It's often helpful to communicate what turns you on, so begin by getting to know the next guy well enough to be frank with him about what you like. The fact that you find sexy women sexy doesn't necessarily mean a thing. Both men and women are often a little attracted to good-looking specimens of their own sex without wanting to act on those feelings in any way. You sound normal to me.
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.