She Wants Drug Addict Back
Q: I'm 43, and my boyfriend and I lived together for nine months. He left me because he said I was too controlling and untrusting. The only thing I tried to control was his drug use. He will not answer my phone calls and is still lying to me. He says he loves me and wants to be with me, but can't live with me. I've tried to explain to him that I learned how I was wrong and want him back. His belongings are still here. I know he has been doing drugs every night since he left. I still want him back. What can I do to get him to come back home to me? -- Michele
Dr. Susan: You're doing drugs, too, right? Because otherwise you must simply be out of your mind. Seems to me that your drug-abusing, lying boyfriend did you a terrific favor by leaving. You're hooked on him, not because he's good for you, or because you have anything resembling a good relationship. The only way you could conceivably talk him into coming back would be if you were genuinely fine with his drug use and stopped bothering him about it altogether. He clearly is an addict and won't change. Neither nagging nor sincere efforts to control him will do any good. So stop demeaning yourself by calling him and don't let him "be" with you unless you want to be used and tossed aside again. This guy has nothing to offer you but unhappiness and the constant risk of disease.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.