From Love to Just Friends
Q: I was dating a man for a year. He spent most of his time with me, practically living with me. After the year he told me he wasn't in love with me and wanted to move on. He continues to be involved in my life and says I am his best friend. That he loves me but isn't in love with me. Now he is dating someone else but says he isn't in love with her, that it is only lust. Do I break all communication with him? Do I stay friends? Help! -- Candy, 45
Dr. Susan: There's an easy way to answer that question yourself, Candy. Do you like pain? Because if you still feel love for him and long for intimacy and a monogamous relationship with him, you aren't going to get it. What you'll continue to get is a so-called "best friend" who flings his sexual attraction for another woman in your face. Ouch. He's one of those guys who insists on pursuing a new sexual relationship whenever the "old" one cools down for him, and those types don't make good long-term bets. So if you're short on male friends and you can handle your frustrated erotic feelings for him without having to bite your pillow with jealousy, keep him in your life. Otherwise, cut him off.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.