Where'd He Go?!
Q: I met this nice guy a few weeks ago. We seemed to hit it off, he was nice and gentlemanly, easy to be around, though he lives 6 hours from me. The night we met, he asked me out. Said he was planning on being in my area the next weekend. He didn't end up coming up for that, had to work. Ok, fine. So we start talking more on the phone. He says the right things, we talk about the fact we live so far apart, share ideas of life and discuss relationships. He asks me questions about my family and me, like he WANTS to get to know me. He tells me that I can trust him, he'll always be up front and straightforward. So I start to really get into liking this guy. This last weekend we were supposed to get together, meeting half way. We talked every night on the phone last week. Then the night before I was supposed to leave to meet him, which by the way he never did email info about, he didn't call. The next day, no word, and none since. I've sent a few text messages and one email, but he doesn't answer. I just don't get it. What happened? He just sort of disappeared. What did I do wrong? And what do I do now? -- Sara, 29
Dr. Susan: Beware the smooth-talking stranger who insists you trust him. "Trust me, I'll always be straight with you." Just words, in some cases. What you do now is be glad you didn't get more deeply entangled with this fellow who doesn't follow through. He was playing with you. He enjoyed the conversation but never had any serious intention of getting together. Too much trouble for him. Now, it's only been a week since he stopped communicating, so maybe he's very sick and can't use his texting or e-mailing finger and is too hoarse to talk on the phone. Not likely, though. The timing, just before you were to meet, is too suspect. You didn't do anything wrong, unless it was being too quick to build up a relationship in your mind based on talk and promises of "trust me." Don't let this experience sour you on men.
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.