Messes with Her Mind

Q: My ex and I broke up about five months ago. It was more his idea than mine, but we consider it mutual. We are still friends and see each other at work often. The problem is that one day he's overly nice, like how he was when we were together, and then the next day he's making jokes about me with his friends. When I ask him about that, he always denies it, saying of course we're friends and he doesn't know what I'm talking about. But it really hurts. I don't know if he still has feelings for me, or if he's just "being a guy." What's the deal? -- Kathy, 20

Dr. Susan: Save your energy and stop trying to make a mountain out of a molehill. Your ex is just "being a guy," if it suits you to categorize his actions that way. So he treats you nicely one moment, and then turns around and jokes about you with "the guys" the next. That has no deeper meaning one way or the other. You broke up months ago and he's probably just making the effort to be friendly when you're at work together. Friendly in front of you, and most likely disparaging behind your back. Why ask him about those jokes? It just makes you seem needy or naive. No guy is going to admit what he says among his friends about the girls he's been with. He's an ex. Try not to let anything he does hurt you anymore. Move on.

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