Time To Say "I Love You"?
Q: About seven months ago I started having breakfast with one of the truck drivers who comes into the place I work. He comes in once a week (he lives in another state). He calls me almost every day, and two months ago we started having sex. I have fallen in love with him and want to tell him, but I don't know if I should. He is the same age as me and very sweet, and I love spending time with him. Should I tell him or let him be the first to say it? -- Cheryl, 55
Dr. Susan: When I was dating my husband, I jumped the gun and told him I loved him after two or three weeks, and he responded that he had wanted to tell me first, that very day. In the long run, it made no difference who said the words first, as our mutual feelings were obvious to both of us.
Now, in your own situation, I have to ask this important question: How deeply have you gotten to know one another? Are you certain he isn't married, in that other state in which he lives? If you're both unattached, and you've known each other half a year and have been intimate for a couple months, I can't see what difference it would make to admit the depth of your feelings to him right now. This is no time of life to play games and try to read minds. (There is no such time of life, actually.) It's impossible to know what sort of reaction you will get, though, so be prepared in case he seems thrown. I hope, for your sake, that he's free and of a mind to join your lives more fully.
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.