Married Lover is "Stuck"
Q: I am seeing a married man whose wife is very disrespectful and trapped him by having a baby. He now feels stuck, and the wife doesn't like him talking to anyone unless she has control of the situation with her money. I want to have a relationship with him, but I am not sure what to do. -- Yvonne, 49
Dr. Susan: Run? Yes, run! You've only heard one side of this story, the philandering husband's side. Let's assume the wife didn't steal his sperm and make a baby on her own. Once she got pregnant, it was up to the two of them to decide how to handle the situation like adults. Now that they're married, he has another chance to act like an adult and stop sneaking around behind her back. You may not be the first woman he has cheated with, nor will you be the last. Why don't you tell him to clear up the mess he's made of his marriage and get a divorce, and then come back to you. Sooner or later, she will find out, or he will get tired of you. Regardless, this is pretty much a dead-end relationship, and I suggest you end it sooner, on your terms, than have it end very badly down the line. Men ALWAYS like to claim their wives are the bad ones when they seek other women to mess around with. You'll be sorry if you trust him at this point.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.