Obsessing About His Cheating
Q: I have been with my guy for almost four years, and about four months ago found out that he cheated on me. So I kicked him out, and we've been living separate since then. I love him and would like to continue with him but can't seem to stop thinking about what he did. Please help me. -- Lucy, 28
Dr. Susan: Have you talked with him about his affair? It can be helpful to know if it was a long-term thing or a one-nighter, or even if he's still seeing that person. The only way to get past betrayal is for both primary parties to want to get past it, and for the cheater to work his way back into your trust by being totally above-board and honest from now on. I expect you'll be thinking about what he did for a long while yet. One doesn't get over these things quickly or all at once. If your relationship is basically sound, it may be worth the effort on both your parts. But he has to allow you to express your feelings of hurt and anger until you've fully had your say.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.