Lover Won't Leave His Wife
Q: My first husband died 11 years ago, and my first love is back. He has been married a long time, and he's unhappy. I see how she treats him - never lets him do anything or go anywhere or have friends. He is afraid to leave her as he has a lot of stock in the big company he works for. He has three grown kids and grandchildren. I have been seeing him for some time, and he is happy when he is with me. I just don't know what to do. -- Angie, 65
Dr. Susan: Do you enjoy being with him enough to continue seeing him on the sly this way? Because that's really the only option open to you. He has made it clear that he doesn't want to share his company stocks with his wife. In other words, the comfortable, most financially secure status quo is what he's choosing. I wonder if his wife doesn't "let" him have friends because he's betrayed her in the past and she doesn't trust him. Face facts: men may be unhappy, but they often aren't unhappy enough to leave their wives. Bottom line: accept that you're his mistress, or end the relationship.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.