Old Boyfriend vs. New
Q: I've had a boyfriend for the past two years, and I love him so much. We decided recently that we want to get married but then an old friend from high school moved home and he likes me. We've gone out a few times and my boyfriend has been very supportive of me figuring out what I want, even though I can tell that it is really hard for him. I have a lot more in common with the new guy, but I just can't stop thinking about how bad I want to marry my boyfriend. What should I do? -- Heather, 21
Dr. Susan: If you're this unsure about who you really want, you're not ready to make a commitment. Obviously. It's to your current boyfriend's credit that he is willing to give you time to figure yourself out, but I wonder what's going on. You decided to get married and then you started going out with an old boyfriend? Once you commit to marriage, you're agreeing to give up all other guys. That means that even if someone attractive comes along, and no matter if someone else finds YOU attractive, you say no and remain true to your husband (or husband-to-be). How about making a list of what's good and what's not so good about each of these guys. And if it turns out you really aren't sure, then date and get to know both of them better, or either of them, for the time being. I understand about longing to get married, but don't think it's going to make everything easy. Maybe you're just not ready to make a commitment and stick to it.
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.