He Hangs Out With Singles
Q: I have been going out with this guy for two and a half years. He's 30. Every weekend he goes out with his single friends to bars and clubs. He says this is the only time he has to hang out with his friends and have a good time and be a guy. We get into many fights as a result of this. He is a loyal person and I don't believe that he will cheat on me, but always going out without me seems strange. I'm not sure if it's healthy for the long term. What should I do? -- Samantha, 28
Dr. Susan: It seems strange to me, too, that your boyfriend only feels like a "guy" when he's clubbing with his single friends every weekend. I think you're right to wonder about how this might play out in the long term. You say he's loyal. How do you know? Most women are sure their lovers wouldn't cheat on them, even when it's actually happening. And most of those fellows aren't out drinking all the time. Face it: your man feels more at ease with his guy friends, drinking and fooling around, then he does with you. He's just not ready to settle down with a woman. Enough fights already. He's giving you a clear message that you don't mean all that much to him. You can't argue him into loving you more. You can't demand he stop hanging with his pals. Maybe it's time to move on.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.