Q: I have been dating a man who looks at other women all the time, some with a warm look that has the women looking back at him and some where the women point him out to whoever they are with, with a scared look, and at times he looks continuously if they keep looking back. If I say anything, he says he isn't doing anything and where is the woman that he is supposedly looking at. He has slowed down on this since we have been dating for more than two years, but still does it. He says no one has loved him in his life like I do. We went to counseling, but he wouldn't admit he does the looking. -- Dina, 70
Dr. Susan: Have you thought of agreeing on a signal to give him when he is actually doing this inappropriate staring? Perhaps you could squeeze his elbow. That would not only stop him immediately, but it would also make it much harder for him to deny he was indeed looking. On the other hand, try to relax about his desire to view women in public. He needs to NOT look so hard and long that these women become aware of it and become uncomfortable, but a quick glance is only natural. If you really believe he loves you, then just work on making him aware, in the moment, when he does things that make you uncomfortable.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.