Who Needs Reassurance?
Q: I have been with my girlfriend for over a year and a half, and lately she has accused me of cheating on her. She hardly says "I love you" anymore and when I do talk to her it seems like she doesn't want to talk to me. But she still says that I should know that she loves me without the reassurance. Who doesn't need reassurance? What should I do and why is she doing this? -- Jordan, 22
Dr. Susan: All relationships cool down somewhat after about half a year to two years. That doesn't explain why your girlfriend suddenly thinks you're cheating on her. That rarely comes out of nowhere. Perhaps your behavior toward her has cooled more than you realize. If she doesn't want to talk and won't reassure you, something is going on. We all like reassurance, but more, we need to feel cherished. It's not always about the words. Actions can sometimes speak louder. Are you too dependent on hearing those words? Have you cheated? Could she be cheating? You two need to have a good old-fashioned talk about your and her feelings and what's causing them. Remember, you're both pretty young and this relationship might have run its course.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.