His Second Chance
Q: I've been seeing my ex recently, but now she wants to "take the next step." I like her, and there's obviously a physical connection or else why would we be back at it? I'm not into making it too serious, though, since moving too fast was why we broke up last time. Yet I don't want to screw things up by insisting we keep it casual. But I don't want to screw it up by pretending we're Romeo and Juliet either. Any advice? — Jeremy, 24
Dr. Susan: I don't see that anything has changed since your previous break-up. Sure, you're physically attracted to one another, but that is going to diminish eventually no matter what you do. Is there enough going on in this relationship for you? Doesn't sound like it. Be honest with her and let her know that you're still not ready to move to a more committed stage. Don't do any pretending. If things get screwed up because you're honest, then you two wouldn't have made much of a couple. Probably best to end it speedily with the least misery for both of you.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.