Wedding Bells? Someday, Maybe
Q: Me and my girlfriend have been together for three years and living together for the last two. Lately she's been dropping hints about marriage: what kind of rings she likes, where I could propose. I could see myself getting married — someday — but I'm not ready yet. Her pressuring me is only making it worse! What can I do? — Kevin, 30
Dr. Susan: As you know, of course, women have a biological clock that urges them to settle down before it's too late to make a family. I suspect your girlfriend is getting impatient with your indecision. After three years together, two of them living together, it's probably unsettling to her to realize that you could see yourself getting married someday. Whether you've used those words with her or not, she probably senses it's time to make a decision.
You owe it to her to have a heartfelt talk about your state of unreadiness to commit. Remember that committing to her doesn't mean you have to have babies immediately. It just means you're not planning to play the field, always seeking someone better. If you're not sure she's the one, then you owe it to her to tell her the truth so she can decide how much time she is willing to wait (and perhaps waste).
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.