Should He Go for Another Chance?
Q: I can't stop thinking about my ex. We dated years ago, when I was much younger, and we broke up for reasons that now seem silly and immature. I contacted her once, not long after the breakup, to let her know I made a huge mistake. She was kind, but told me she had started seeing someone new. They eventually got married. I still hear about her from time to time, through mutual friends or online, and have heard they just divorced. Should I reach out to her again? What should I say? — Robert, 32
Dr. Susan: It's hard to say whether your timing is good or unfortunate. She'll be on the rebound and might be willing to see you for old times' sake. But then again, she may be so fed up with relationships that she won't be interested. Also, she may harbor less positive memories of you than you do of her. Bottom line, though, is that you have nothing to lose by reaching out. You could start by calling or emailing one of those mutual friends and seeing if they have any details about her mental status. Then write her or phone her and say you've been thinking of her and heard she got divorced and were wondering if she'd like to meet for coffee just to get up to date with what's going on in both your lives. If she's curious, great. If not, she'll let you know.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.