He Wants Fat Wife to Go Under Knife
Q: I really want my wife to get some work done. She has gone downhill since we got married, and I'm getting tired of looking at her lumpy figure. She's fat in all the wrong places. She got some money from an aunt who passed away, and I said she should use it for surgery. She said "what kind?" and got really mad. I think she should want to look better and make me happy. How can I make her see that it could really help things between us? --Clark, 37
Dr. Susan: Whoa. Stop right there. Since when is it your wife's job to undergo elective surgery in hopes of ending up with a body you find attractive? I don't blame her one bit for being angry at you. She's young now. As she ages, will you want her to keep having surgery after surgery to try to replicate her youthful looks? Surgery simply isn't the answer to your marriage doldrums. There are always risks. There are always scars. And guess what? If her habits don't change, the fat will come back and find a nearby place to settle. How disappointing that would be.
How about, instead of aiming for "instant" solutions to your lack of attraction to her, the both of you embark on a healthier lifestyle together? Not a diet, but better eating habits, more activity, and less sitting time. Suggest this as the best way for both of you to look your best, feel your best, and have more energy for intimacy.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.