She's Pushing to Move In
Q: My girlfriend and I have known each other for years. She was married and we were friends, and then she got divorced. We live in two different states. After a couple of years, we finally decided to try dating each other. It's been going well, but she's got some financial problems and keeps putting pressure on me to move in together. I'm not ready for that, but I don't want to make her mad. I like dating and seeing her every month or so, but I don't want her to move here and expect me to marry her or something. I really just want to tell her no, but I'm thinking about letting her move here and see if it can work. What's the best thing to do here?—Jack, 39
Dr. Susan: I don't believe you've thought this through, not have the two of you talked honestly about your relationship. If you don't want her to move in with you, and you're afraid she has marriage "or something"(!) in mind, do NOT ignore your gut feeling. Just tell the truth. You like being with her once a month, but you're not ready to commit to anything more serious or long-lasting. Don't let your desire to avoid her anger, your wish that you could go on like this indefinitely, get you into a much more difficult situation.
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.