Too Much Agreement?
Q: My girlfriend and I had dinner with this other couple the other night, and the evening was going great until one of the guys asked the group collectively, "Who usually wins in an argument?" Everyone that we were with shared a good laugh at this and thought it was a riot. I saw the different couples begin to argue over who wins arguments, and it was so strange to me because my girlfriend and I never argue. When I said, "We don't really fight," everyone started booing us and made jokes. But that's the truth. My girlfriend and I really don't argue. Never have. I remember someone once telling me (I might have read it actually) that arguing in a relationship is healthy and totally okay. But that doesn't make any sense to me. I mean, should my girlfriend and I be arguing more? We seem to be doing just fine these past three years. -Drew, 30
Dr. Anna: When two people come together, some disagreement is natural. No disagreements even may be a red flag. Are you both really saying what's on your mind? Are some things getting on your nerves, but you're just passively letting it go rather than speaking up? Unresolved disagreements can lead to resentment and frustration. Arguing is certainly not a requirement for a healthy relationship. Just check in with each other occasionally to make sure there isn't anything going unresolved.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.