She Won't Keep Waiting
Q: I was seeing this woman exclusively for two years, until she broke up with me a month ago. I live with someone else, a divorced woman, and my girlfriend told me our relationship was over unless I moved out or told the girl I was living with to move out. I asked her to wait for me and give me time to sell my house. But she was tired of waiting, said it was too late, and she didn't have feelings for me anymore and wanted to date other people. I have been faithful to her and don't even sleep with the person I live with. We haven't seen each other for several weeks but she continues to call every few days just to see how I am doing. I asked if she wanted to get back together but she says no, not while I am still living with someone else. She said I broke her heart and it can't be repaired. I have repeatedly asked her to wait for me until I get out of this relationship but she won't commit to anything. I'm 50. What do you think? -- Bob
Dr. Susan: I think it's amazing that she gave you two years to change your living arrangements with this other woman before semi-dumping you. She keeps calling, obviously, because she hopes against hope that you'll surprise her. Her requirement to commit to you wasn't very complicated: she asked YOU to commit to HER, by not living with another woman and by letting her know that you love her and want to spend the rest of your life with her. Of course, it might be too late by now, as she has said. By dawdling and not taking her seriously when she asked you to make up your mind, you may have killed her feelings for you. Then again, she keeps calling, so her feelings for you aren't entirely dead. If you still care, risk making a dramatic gesture. Become truly available, finally.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.