He Doesn't Believe She Means "No"
Q: At 42, I'm newly married and very much in love with my wife. I've had a lot of sexual experience in my past, but sometimes I feel very nervous about approaching any sex-related topics with my wife. She's somewhat innocent on certain things and not so innocent about others. She makes it clear she does not like seeing even TV commercials that show women's breasts, however she does not mind seeing full or partial male nudity. How do I go about finding out what is okay with her and what is not, or is there a deeper problem to contend with here? I would like to bring out that beautiful part of her but don't want to overdo it. -- Dean
Dr. Susan: Sounds like you're putting her on a pedestal, which makes you afraid to get down and dirty (figure of speech only!) with her. Why she prefers male nudity to female isn't that surprising. But you may learn something if you ask her about it. For example, maybe she's insecure about her own breasts for some reason, and hates YOU looking at images of other women's breasts. It doesn't sound to me as though there's necessarily a deeper problem. Don't be afraid to talk about these subjects. In fact, preface anything you say with this: "Honey, I'm a little nervous even bringing this up, because I don't know all your sensitivities yet, but I was wondering..." As for bringing out "that beautiful part of her," that can be a lengthy project, but a wonderfully pleasurable one for both of you.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.