Dating a Stripper
Q: I shoot straight from the hip, so here it is. Do you think its impossible to date an exotic dancer? Jack, 26.
Dr. Susan: Okay, straight from the hip back at you: Do you mean "impossible" as in "Why would such a desirable woman want to go out with me?" or do you mean "impossible" as in "How could I ever trust the fidelity of someone who dances nude in front of a room full of drooling strangers?"
Face it, Jack, this exotic dancer you've got your eye on is as likely to date you as anyone else she finds appealing in some way. Have you had a conversation with her? Have you interacted in some way so that she'd know you're a legitimate date prospect? Do you know whether she has a boyfriend or husband? Have you talked enough to determine that she's got a good mind to match that great body?
I suspect, though, that your question is more about being able to sustain a relationship with an exotic dancer. Could be a challenge, but then, all relationships are a challenge. I guess you'd need to have some totally honest and open conversations with her about why she chose this line of work. Poverty's a typical answer, but not the only one. Some women love performing and find their way into exotic dancing because it's easier to break into than the Joffrey Ballet, for example. You'll want to discuss what her guidelines are for cavorting with customers, and what your expectations are for her (as well as hers for you, natch). Can you see yourself falling asleep alone at home, years from now, knowing she's at work taking her clothes off in front of other men? Can you see yourself happily tending your children while she works nights in a boozy environment? Are you the trusting, non-jealous type? If the answer to any of these is no, then think very hard before pursuing this woman.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.