Stay or Reunite with Ex?
Q: I've been with my current girlfriend for a little more than a year. I was with my ex-girlfriend for four years and was very much in love with her, even though the last six months weren't that great. She's been out of the state for two years, and now that she's considering moving back to my state, she wants to get back together. What should I do? -- Dick, 27
Dr. Susan: Only a creep would dump a girlfriend he's been with for a year, simply on the wishes of his ex who's been out of the picture for two years. The real question is how you feel about your current girlfriend. If you're just wasting her time until something better comes along, the fair thing to do would be to let her down gently right now. Then you'd be free. But if you love the one you're now with, it would be foolish to let her go. You were pretty young when you were with the other woman, and it went downhill for months before she left anyway. Sure, it might seem all new and shiny again if you were to get back together with her. For a while. But two years is a long time when you're in your 20s, and I assume you've both changed. You have no way of knowing if you and she could pick up where you left off (or preferably, six months before you left off). Whatever you do, don't lie to your girlfriend. Let her go, or tell her about your ambivalence, and give her the choice to stick around while you make up your mind, or not. You'll like yourself better if you do the right thing.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.