Q: I'm in love with a woman who lies and cheats on me. Three months into the relationship she brought a man into our home while I was away with my children. I was hurt, but I forgave her thinking that she was terribly sorry. She continued seeing and chatting with other men, and she continues to do so. I believe she has an addiction to being online and meeting men. On her web pages she doesn't state she is involved nor does she have pictures of me. I have confronted her about how I feel about it, but she says things to make me feel like I'm wrong. I have asked her, if she cannot be faithful, then she should move out and move on with her life. How do I gain back my sanity? -- Dave, 42
Dr. Susan: Take charge of your own life, Dave. This manipulative woman isn't in control of your sanity. You are. First you move in with her way too soon, then you forgive her way too easily for betraying you. It's obvious she isn't interested in confining herself to one man. Whether this is an official "addiction" or merely a preference of hers that she's getting away with, it's intolerable. I can't see why you're sitting still for it. It might be easier to combat her emotional bullying if you weren't living in the same house. Get out of there, or ask her to move out, even if only for a certain amount of time. Whether she stays or goes, please understand that nothing she says should make you feel wrong when you're NOT wrong. If you desire a monogamous relationship, that's not what you have with her. And you're not going to get one with her, either. She's as much as yelled it at you with her actions.
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.