Q: There is this girl that works as a personal trainer at the gym where I work out. When I first started going there I would look up and she would just be staring at me. I finally asked her out but she said she liked girls and that she was flattered. One night several of us were to meet at a bar. After about an hour she left. I found out that it was because I made her uncomfortable and that she felt like I was stalking her, even though I never made eye contact with her. The only thing I've ever done is say hi and ask her out a couple times and always with others. I avoided her and didn't look once at her for the next week. Yesterday I was looking out the window and saw her reflection and I could see her turn and look at me. Does she really like me but is too afraid to say so? What should I do to make her more comfortable around me? Once I walked up to her and lightly touched her back and asked her to go out with my friends and myself out that night. She reached back and grabbed my hand and said I scared her. This week I found out she told one of her friends that I had grabbed her back. I'm really confused. It's a weird feeling to look up and see her already looking at me only to quickly look away. What should I do? -- Dan, 37
Dr. Susan: What should you do? Absolutely nothing. Forget she exists. She's either scared of you for no good reason, or she has a habit of exaggerating things to her friends to make herself seem more attractive. Either way, you don't need to be mixed up with her. Her looking at you doesn't mean she really likes you. It's just of those oddities where two people keep glancing at one another to see if the other is looking their way, and sure enough, sometimes you'll catch each other's eyes. Means nothing! Don't ask her out, don't touch her (!), and perhaps be friendly with other women at the gym to make it plain that you're not focusing on her. Note to guys: once a woman complains that she's feeling stalked by you, even if it's totally ridiculous, don't try harder to be nice to her. Just stay away entirely.
Copyright © Fun Online Corporation
Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.