Why His Ex Hates Him
Q: I don't understand why my ex-wife hates me so much. I did nothing but love her for 5 years. -- Don, 33
Dr. Susan: As you've given me so little to go on, let me simply offer a few possible reasons why I think your ex-wife might hate you:
1. Maybe when you "did nothing but love her," you weren't showing her that love in the way she needed. We each must give to our mates what THEY want, not what we want them to give us. Maybe you talked too much, not enough, were too sappily romantic, not emotional enough, didn't make enough money, didn't "get" her, were too needy, or not needy enough.
2. Perhaps she doesn't exactly hate you, but when she divorced you, she decided to keep things cool between you as a way of setting clear boundaries.
3. Sometimes a man's (or a woman's) habits can get on their spouse's nerves to the point that the spouse becomes more and more sensitive to what annoys them, and finally they end up not being able to stand being around that supposedly annoying person. It's not necessarily anyone's fault.
4. Could be you're a narcissist who makes no real effort to see things from the other person's point of view. Most of us, if we're honest and the least bit insightful, can figure out why someone doesn't like us anymore.
5. Or she could be a selfish person who, no matter how saintly you behaved toward her, will never appreciate any of your efforts.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.