Choosing Between Two Women
Q: I have to choose between two girls. I live in the Midwest, and one girl lives in Los Angeles and the other lives 10 minutes away from me. I've known the California girl a couple weeks longer. Obviously we can only communicate through internet, haven't met up yet, though we plan to soon. The local girl I've seen a number of times. They make me equally happy while we're talking. Only real difference is the LA girl is stunning and the girl here is just all right. I have to choose now, because I told the girl here about the other one, and she's really upset but kind of fighting to keep me. LA has no clue. If I could live the rest of my life with either one, I'd be happy. Though I'd rather be with the girl from LA, there's so much uncertainty. -- Casey, 20
Dr. Susan: You are making so many assumptions, it boggles my mind. First of all, you haven't even met the more distant girl, so maybe her photo isn't telling you the whole story. She might only be that stunning in certain light. She will certainly not be that stunning in person at all times and for all the years to come. No one is! Second, there will always be someone prettier or with better genes (so, for instance, she's less likely to get very heavy in the future), but there won't be that many women with a great personality, a good character, and loyal, who also like YOU. What I'd recommend is that you seriously date one woman at a time, rather than stacking them up and comparing them based on too little information. Beginning any relationship the way you are, lying to one, upsetting the other, is a bad idea. Write the distant one and say you're seeing someone locally and will let her know if it doesn't work out, and then you can meet. Tell the local one you aren't going to go any further with the other one now, and that you'll be honest about your intentions. One at a time from now on, please, unless all parties know the whole truth.
Copyright © Fun Online Corporation
Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.