Q: I got involved with a woman about two years ago. At the time, her husband was in jail. She made me feel like a grown man is supposed to feel and there is nothing I would not do for her. About four months ago her husband got out of jail, they got back together, and I thought that was it. Just recently I saw her again and asked if I could call her because I know her man is doing wrong. She told me I could call her anytime I wanted to. The bad thing about it now is that she is four months pregnant. I want to step up and help take care of her like a real man should!!! I just don't know how to go about it. What should I do as a real man who is ready to handle this kind of scenario. Help a real man out please!! -- Terrance, 39
Dr. Susan: You talk too much about feeling and acting like "a real man." Legally (I'm no lawyer, so check it out with a real one), that baby is her husband's. If the timing is such that you're sure it's yours, there are DNA tests that can be done early. Does she want to divorce him and marry you? A real man would give her that choice, but it's up to her. She's not exactly a trustworthy woman, having had an affair with you while her husband was in jail, then getting back with him and telling you to keep calling her. She has to make up her mind and one of you real men needs to be a proper father to this child.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.