He Fell for a Two-Timer
Q: I'm in love with a girl who is my far far relative. When she asked me out, I asked if she had a boyfriend and she said if I date her then she will change her relationship status on Facebook and end that relationship officially, as it's non-existing already. After a couple of weeks, when I asked if she had ended it, she told me that she loves us both. That shattered me. The thing is I love her so much. I tried walking away but I can't. Unfortunately the other man doesn't know about me. -- Jack, 29
Dr. Susan: Obviously this girl behaved very selfishly. She hung on to the old boyfriend while trying out a new one, figuring she would then choose which one she preferred. Meanwhile she was lying to both of you. Too bad you fell in love so quickly and so intensely in only a couple of weeks. I don't know what you mean when you say you can't walk away. You must tell her that you can't be part of this triangle. She needs to make a choice and date one of you at a time. You may have a hard time trusting her now, no matter what she says she's decided. But look at it this way, if you can: better that you know now how unreliable she is, rather than months or years down the line. If you stick around, you're simply asking for pain and drama.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.