Sex With "Grandpa"???
Q: When my wife was still alive a year ago, she and I met a 23-year-old young woman, and we all became very good friends. She said she lost her grandpa and I told her that I would love to have her as a granddaughter. She has two children and no husband, and the children call me grandpa. I now love her so much as a grandpa, and she always tells me how much she loves me. She felt so bad when my wife died, and now over the last year she has told me that, "You are so good to me, and with all you do for me, if there is anything you want and need from me, you can have it," meaning sex. Would it be wrong for us to have sex? It would please me so much, but I need your advice and opinion. -- Harry, 78
Dr. Susan: It feels wrong to me, Harry. Your young friend seems confused about how a person shows gratitude. If you slept together, it could spell the end of your friendship. She might be willing to do it once, and never again. She and her children all think of you as a grandpa-type person, and to turn that family feeling into sexuality is a little creepy. I can understand your desires, but she wouldn't be going along with them out of the right kind of feelings. If you do go ahead, you both need to be very clear about your expectations (no strings?), and I'd strongly urge you to keep the relationship away from the kids for now. And please, don't make babies.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.