How to Move On?
Q: I can't seem to move on, and it's been nine years since my divorce. My ex has moved on, and the women I've dated seem to be less desirable than my ex, whom I still love. I can't meet anyone, and I've tried for a while. There is no chance for reconciliation with my ex. What do I do? -- Ken, 62
Dr. Susan: You need to widen your dating pool, Ken. Also, take your time getting to know each woman you date. If you compare them too soon with your ex, whom you are still emotionally attached to, none of them is going to come out too well on your rating scale. You can grow to love someone, even if those feelings aren't instantaneous.
When you say you "can't meet anyone," what do you mean? Do you live in a tiny town where everyone is married? In most areas, there are so many venues in which to meet women in their 40s, 50s, and 60s. So many divorced or widowed women ready for new partners. Join groups, try online dating, get involved in volunteer activities, let everyone you know that you're available. I understand you've tried for a while, but if it's been a long while, then maybe it's time to get help from a friend (do you have any female friends?) who can offer clues for improving your odds. Consider some counseling to help you finally get over your ex. Only then will you truly be open to someone new.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.