Wife's Hiding Something
Q: My wife and I have been married for 15 years, during which she has been a devoted mother and wife. About 9 months ago she started Facebooking. She can be on for over 2 hours at a time. She takes the laptop in another room and when I come in she closes the page quickly. I have asked her about it and she dismisses it or gets mad like I am a stalker. I try to give her her space but it feels like for the first time in our marriage she is being secretive and dishonest. I don't want to act paranoid and push her away but I cannot seem to get a straight answer from her. What should I do? -- Randy, 36
Dr. Susan: Tell her frankly that you're worried about your relationship. Spending a couple of hours online, reaching out to old friends and doing other things, is pretty ordinary these days. But if you feel she's hiding something, she may very well be. She should be willing to share what she's doing, or explain why she'd rather not. We probably all know that impulse of wanting to darken the monitor rather than have someone see what we've been doing, even if what we're doing is legal, moral, and no big deal. But her behavior is concerning. If all the other areas of your life together are the same as before, fine. But if you have other clues of her declining interest in you, ask her again, nicely, to be honest about what's going on for her emotionally.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.