Truth About Break-up
Q: My girlfriend of a month just broke up with me saying that she doesn't feel comfortable around me. She said that she just didn't feel like herself. I think it's because we didn't get to spend very much time one on one, as we were with friends most of the time. I think it might also be because we didn't know each other too well yet. We got along well though, and I think I'm going to see if she wants to hang out as friends again and see if we get to know each other more, then see what happens. I guess my question is what can I do to make her feel more comfortable around me? Also should I keep trying or is there some other reason she broke up with me and she's just making up a reason to break it off? -- Nick, 20
Dr. Susan: It's hard to analyze what "feeling comfortable" means to any one person, but you know it when you feel it. I wouldn't attribute it to not knowing each other well enough or because you spent little time alone together. She may be having trouble articulating exactly what felt wrong to her, but you should take her word for it and let go. Pretty much each time a girl breaks up with a guy, it's because she feels the relationship isn't what she had hoped for. Perhaps she felt you (and your friends) had certain expectations of her that didn't feel right to her. Maybe she wants more humor, less humor, less drinking, deeper conversation? Who knows? If you do decide to try again somehow, don't be pushy about it. When a girl decides to tell a guy good-bye, it can be really upsetting to be pursued.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.