He's In a Hurry
Q: I have been talking to this girl for about a month. I really like her a lot and want to have a relationship with her. I have told her this but she has had bad experiences in the past so she tells me that I wouldn't want to be with her. She always talking negative about herself, but she is the brightest person I have ever met. She calls me all the time and we see each other but nothing has happened. I gave her a dozen roses last week and she seemed to have loosened up, but I don't know. What should I tell her or do? I like her a lot and I want to be with her badly. Please help. -- Chris, 21
Dr. Susan: It sounds to me as though you ARE with her, only not to the extent you'd like. I gather you want a more intimate relationship than she is ready for. Perhaps she really only likes you as a friend. That's not an insult. It just means she isn't as hot for you as you are for her. It also sounds as though she's afraid she'd disappoint you if you knew about her past. I gather she's been with other guys and feels shame or embarrassment about some of what she's done. I don't recommend "telling" her anything for now. She knows how you feel. Continue communicating with her and don't pressure her. Perhaps when she feels more trusting, she'll be more open to a deeper relationship.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.