Feelings for His Wife?
Q: My wife is a real estate agent who sold a house to a married couple about a year ago. The couple ended up getting divorced, and the ex-husband has started calling my wife to share his personal issues with her. This man now calls about once a month to just talk to my wife on a personal level. I told my wife that I didn't think it was appropriate for this guy to be calling her to share his personal issues with her. My wife says they are just friends and that he needs someone to talk to. To me it seems not to be appropriate for a divorced man to be having a personal relationship with a married woman he only met through a real-estate transaction. Am I wrong for feeling this way? -- Charlie, 48
Dr. Susan: Feelings are what they are, so you're not wrong to feel the way you do. You're jealous of your wife's role as confidante to a strange man. As to whether you rightfully have anything to worry about, that's hard to say. A monthly phone call isn't much, and so long as they're not meeting secretly or carrying on in some other way you don't know about, I wouldn't make a big deal about it. I don't know how you feel about listening to emotional sharing, but you might ask your wife if the three of you could go to lunch and talk. You know, give the guy a male perspective. See how she reacts. The fact is that while your wife may believe the personal conversations are innocent, this divorced and hurting guy may be harboring hopes that more will come of the connection. That wouldn't surprise anyone.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.