If Only He Could Trust Her
Q: My girlfriend just told me that she wanted me to move out but keep paying the bills until our tax refunds come in. We used to be married and have a five-year-old child together. We were divorced for about two years (her choice) and got back together two years later, again her choice. Last weekend I took our child out-of-state to visit my grandparents. My girlfriend went out with a girlfriend of hers, and they ended up going to a bar. One of our male neighbors, recently separated, was there. My girlfriend talked about her friend and him hitting it off, but after telling me she wanted me to move out, she went over to his house for two hours. She said nothing was going on between them. But she also said that she didn't know his number, and that the only number on her cell phone was a girlfriend of hers. I checked her phone when she was in the shower and a contact I never heard of was on it. It turned out to be his phone number. Also, she used to call me every day to and from work. When I looked at her phone she has been calling him to and from work. She keeps telling me it has nothing to do with me or anyone else, she just wants to be alone. This is the second time we have done this, and this is the reason I never want to get remarried. What should I do? -- Jode, 30
Dr. Susan: You're letting yourself get pushed and pulled at your girlfriend's whim. I understand that, at least for the sake of your child, you would love for this relationship to get back on an even keel. But she's lying to you, and you know it. Certainly she's having an affair with this guy, an affair of one kind or another. He could just be a catalyst for her to move on from being with you, but the main point is that she is treating you like dirt and wants you out of the house. I think you need to make plans for your own life, keeping in mind that your child needs you in his or her life. I don't blame you for not wanting to remarry this woman. She has shown herself to be startlingly immature and untrustworthy. Get help figuring out a child support arrangement, and look elsewhere for a genuine love relationship.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.