If You're Desperately Seeking the Spark, You Might Get Burned

When girlfriends get together and talk about guys, you'll hear the stories about what drew them to their current lovers or led them to push some away. One of the make or break factors that women are looking for is what we call "the spark." Men look for that too, of course.

What is the spark, exactly? It's that tingling you feel when you're sitting near your date and your knees bump, when he puts his hand on your back while you're walking into the restaurant, when you hold hands and especially during that first kiss. It's exciting and special!

It tells you that you're really interested in this hottie. It tells you that you're feeling a thrilling attraction. The only problem is that it's not necessarily a good indicator of someone who's right for you.

Flash and Burn
The spark is a good element to seek when you're judging your date's relationship potential. Connecting on a physical level is important.

But if you rely too heavily on the spark and treat its absence as a deal breaker, you might be missing out. Some long-term lovers don't feel the spark in the beginning of their dating days. And yet they develop a deep connection that doesn't fizzle out fast.

Looking and Longing
Likewise, the spark can blow smoke when it comes to recognizing how well you and your partner might mesh over the long term. Those arousing feelings of being desired and yearning for your lover can blind you to the intellectual and emotional mismatch that everyone else around you can see clearly.

I've seen cases where a woman thought a guy was just so-so in the early days because she just didn't feel that electricity when they held hands or kissed. Yet so many other elements that the two had in common made her hang in there for the long term. They developed a deep bond that turned into love.

On the other side of the story, I've known guys who kept coming back to women who treated them wrong because they couldn't resist that passionate pull. They told themselves that they must be meant for each other because of that intense desire that drew them together over and over. They ultimately got burned.

Flickers and Flame-Outs
Fire comes in many forms, so don't expect an immediate spark to tell you whether your new romantic interest will be able to warm your heart for years to come. If you see even a flicker and all the other signs point to high potential, then maybe you should try working on your fire-building skills. But if you're feeling singed by the wild flames, the temperature's probably too hot to handle.

If you want steady warmth, that takes time and attention. If you're both willing, then do what it takes to keep that fire burning!

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