Starting Over's Better Than Staying Stuck
How many times have you seen a friend who's desperate to leave their partner? Yet instead, they stay with the loser, even though they know the situation isn't good for them.
What is it that makes us talk ourselves out of leaving? It's not FOMO—fear of missing out; it's FOTU—fear of the unknown.
Making Difficult Decisions
There are many other ways to describe the mind-set of the person who stays. You tell yourself that your lover isn't really so bad after all, and who knows what other people you'd have to deal with if you venture back out into the dating world? As the saying goes, "Better the devil you know than the devil you don't."
There's also the effort involved in starting over and the effort already invested in your current relationship. If you've spent three years trying to understand this difficult person and accept their flaws, you might feel that you don't want to have to start all over getting to know someone new.
First you'll have to go through the whole process of figuring out if you like each other enough to get involved. You'll have to talk enough to reveal your own personality quirks and assess theirs. You'll have to spend time at each other's homes to judge whether your levels of neatness and messiness are compatible.
Staying in the Comfort Zone
If you get past those initial steps, you'll have to be scrutinized by their family and friends…and vice versa. The biggie, of course, is having to get comfortable being naked together.
Then you start thinking that maybe it's easier to stay where you are, with this person you've been tolerating. After all, you've dealt with it this long, so why not keep on keepin' on?
Because you're miserable, that's why! Because you deserve better! Because staying together out of laziness isn't a good reason to continue to build a life together.
Selling Yourself Short
If you need a wake-up call, here it is: The reason you're staying is that this relationship has led you to believe that this is all you deserve. You're starting to think that you won't find anything better out there. And that's sad!
Please don't dump any more of your time and emotional energy into a lackluster relationship. If you're too drained to do anything else, then at least spend more time alone or with groups of people who bring out your confidence and joy.
If your self-esteem is so low with your current partner that you can't imagine anyone better wanting you, then you definitely need to get out, and get out fast! You deserve a life that feeds your heart and soul—you're worth the effort!
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